Breaking Free from Toxic Emotions

Guest post today by Sarah Knepper

One year ago this week I wanted my life to be over.  That’s hard to fathom now even as I see those words. But I saw no end to the pain and pressure and after years of negative thinking I simply wanted to walk away from it all.

From the time I was young I experienced self doubt, poor self image, and the overwhelming feeling that I just couldn’t ever be good enough.

In college I was first diagnosed with, and prescribed medication for, SAD (seasonal affective disorder).  I had always been a bit melancholy but during my 20’s I had my first real thoughts of suicide.

With my first baby, I suffered severe postpartum depression. I couldn’t see a way out. My at-the-time husband was busy forming a drug addiction that soon crippled our lives.

After counseling and another round of medication, I managed to move on but not without painful scars and the pressing belief that I was worth less than an addiction.

My husband eventually left–after four years and two more children, that is. My mind scrambled wild as I fought for three years to keep my children safe, complete Graduate School, and simply survive as a single mom. God was providing, but you couldn’t convince me at the time.

danger in drifting

And while God brought me a wonderful new husband a year ago June, my new husband lost his job soon after we married. The thought that once again I would be looked at to provide everything wrecked me. Last October, my world finally crashed. Lost and overwhelmed. I admitted suicidal thoughts to my husband. Thankfully, he sought help for me.

In Jo Ann Fore’s book When a Woman Finds Her Voice she knows these unhealthy thoughts and emotions that push right through our hearts and minds when trauma threatens to overwhelm. And she also knows the freedom of taming them.

“We can tell our feelings how to behave,” she encourages. “This intentional choice to trust God with our lives can begin the healing process and help us break free from these toxic emotions.”

God was there in my trials. Through those college days of weepiness and misunderstanding, through those nights of rocking my first born to sleep while crying because I believed I couldn’t love him. God was with me when my ex-husband chose drugs over our family, there those days I truly felt I had nothing left to give. Each and every moment of weariness, my Savior was right there hurting with me.

He is there for you too.

It’s when we give up this fight and allow God to work in our lives that an amazing process can take place. Each day, God carried me out of my depression, giving me a fresh start.

There’s truth and freedom in finding our voices. I invite you to join with us to use yours to make a difference. Link up {below} with us this week as we discuss taming unhealthy emotions. Also be sure to leave a comment for us here on this post as we love to hear your thoughts.


8 thoughts on “Breaking Free from Toxic Emotions

  1. my sweet friend, i love how you write, its so real and transparent. thank you for sharing your heart, and for making a mighty difference in women’s lives. big hugs for being brave and telling your story. <3 <3

    • Teresa,

      God is the one who is able to help me see past my weaknesses and share them with others. If it wasn’t for him I would be lost. Thank you for the beautiful compliments!

  2. Day after day you continue to inspire me with your vulnerability as you share your story, Sarah. There is no doubt that God has big plans for you- as he does for all of us. xo

    • Your words bring tears to my eyes. I never would have believed my pain could help others. Thank you for your support and love, you are a wonderful friend!!

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