During a recent conversation with a friend, the topic of being vulnerable came up. We started talking about the areas of our lives where we let people in, and the areas where we keep people out. I opened up about hating the feeling of rejection.
She asked me what I meant.
I said, “I am afraid I will be rejected for one reason or another by my peers, friends, and loved ones.” I struggled with giving her a specific reason.
Her comment back to me was along the lines of,“I know that for the most part you seem to be pretty open and transparent about your life, and you are transparent in your writing, so what is it that you feel you will be rejected for?”
The answer that fell out of my mouth, (clearly before consulting with my brain) was,
“I am afraid to show people my ugly side.”
In other words, “What if they saw the REAL ME and rejected me for it?”
The side where you get angry and can’t really control what you say
The side where if anyone could read your thoughts they may have you committed
The side where you know you SHOULD be nice, but quite frankly, you just can’t find it within you to do so
The side of you that you keep hidden, even from the ones you love.
The side of you, that if your honest enough with yourself, you try and hide from too–but sometimes you just can’t.
The side of you that you try to hide, even from God.
We all have this side to us. We just need to face our reflections.
My challenge to you is this:
Whether it is in therapy with a counselor that you trust wholeheartedly,
in a journal that is just between you, yourself and no one else,
in a letter that you write pouring your guts out-and then later burn in the sink to destroy your words,
in a heartfelt prayer that you have to pray with only tears and snot- just you and God…
Find a way to dig down deep. Grab hold of your courage and show your ugly.
God cannot clean what you will not allow Him to access.
“Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” (John 13:8b)
The more we hold onto our ugly, the more it begins to creep out—in the most unexpected of ways, and at very inconvenient times.
Come on! You can do this! I am right there with you. I know it’s hard. No one wants to see her true reflection, but once we face it we can begin the process of moving forward in our healing.
Don’t just let Jesus into your heart; let Him clean up the messes inside. Trust me, He can handle it and will love you unconditionally no matter what size the mess or how scary the monsters.
. . . . . . . . . .
P.S. We’d love to know your thoughts, so please be sure to comment below. Each of our commenters will be entered in a drawing for this month’s FREE book giveaway, Mothers & Daughters: Mending a Strained Relationship by author Teena Stewart.
Aj Luck is an author, blogger, bookworm, wife, and mommy. She loves to write children’s books, spiritual thrillers and inspirational works. She has a dedicated blog geared toward encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. www.shatteredperspectives.com
In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her hubby, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever. You can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org