We all have those little dark closets; the ones sheltering our broken places. The areas someone hurt us, used us, or stole our innocence. Or the areas where we went down the wrong road and hurt not only ourselves but others.
I had a room full of closets. And the doors were tightly bolted, walled behind concrete barriers. In an odd way, I thought ignoring reality worked. Unfortunately, suppressing memories only allowed them to fester or ooze out in strange and unsightly mutations.
They never healed.
With God’s gentle nudging, the time finally came for major cleaning. I didn’t go quietly. I went kicking and screaming. I hung on for dear life, so afraid if I ventured into the past, I would never return.
I felt like I was being pushed off a thousand foot bridge over a black river filled with hungry crocodiles. Yes I knew God was with me, but I didn’t know how far into the deep I would go. What if my tether broke? What if I couldn’t come back?
Truth came through God’s word. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39 NIV).
I took the leap, the barriers were removed, and the closets opened. Yes, there were some very painful moments, but God never left my side. And in His love, He provided forgiveness, healing, and restoration.
No matter what we have been through, where our past has carried us, where we are right now at this moment, we will never be separated from the love of God. We can dive without fear, for He is with us, tethered safely to Him for eternity.
When God asks us to return with Him to clean out our past, He’s not asking us to bungee jump into the darkness. He’s asking us to trust enough to leap into His arms, where we are healed, and fly forever free.
Lisa Buffaloe is an avid blogger, writer, and speaker. Her past experiences—molestation by a baby-sitter, assault, rape by a doctor, divorce, being stalked, cancer, death of loved ones, seven surgeries, and eleven years of chronic illness from Lyme Disease—bless her with a backdrop to share with others God’s amazing promises of healing, restoration, and renewal.
4 thoughts on “Faith Leap”
What a great word Ms.Lisa, I would that everyone could read this and receive the truth here.
God Bless you young lady!
Thank you so much, Poppa!
God’s blessings to you!
I have posted before for different reasons. To read about the tragedies and losses in your life, I have dealt with similar things. I just felt abandoned by a man who I was unsure would marry me. But, I accepted he wasn’t serious. He is the only real friend I’ve had in years and he’s been a confidant, co-worker, we worked from home as peer supporters. But try to maintain a friendship. I know I still need professional help for Complex-Post Traumatic Stress and have had some healing. In the last 6 years, I was betrayed by an ex-co-worker where I was really like a mother figure. We now e-mail each other and make peace. But, I realized that the husband I knew I had to divorce is a sociopath, and took me through more trauma, emotional, verbal, financial, and felt sexually traumatized by shaming things I shared with him. Later I sought emotional support and wound up stalked by the person, and had to go to his parole officer, I had no idea all the trouble he was in. I discovered because of my empathy, I’ve been a rescuer and still need emotional healing from my childhood. Incest, and re-victimizations, have been hard to overcome. My faith has suffered, but I find support in different places, and seeking safe people only. My 4 siblings are emotionally distant, and my two sisters do a little to support, but we never can discuss our abusive childhood. Thank you for sharing, I am God’s child and hope to grow more in Christ.