Some people call it luck. Others say “You are blessed”. I used to believe I had bad luck–or at least I knew I didn’t have good luck. It seemed Murphy’s Law ruled my life and if something could go wrong, or even if it couldn’t, it did. I struggled through life waiting for the next disaster to strike.
Those disasters did strike, every time. I considered myself a pessimistic realist. I knew I had better prepare for the worst since based on experience it was sure to occur. I analyzed each situation to be prepared for any number of possible outcomes (and all of them bad). I was always at the ready. I felt it my duty to be prepared since everyone knew it was my fault the fiasco was occurring. Every family event or holiday I would assess the amount of damage control needed, then create my escape plan.
As a young child, escaping equated to hiding. “Out of sight, out of mind” became a survival tactic. Using food to stuff my emotions and stifle my voice, and trying with all my might to pray myself perfect—those were my other tactics. My heart would sink and my stomach would churn when I’d hear my name called from the other end of the house. I would immediately move as fast as I could to respond to the slurred bellow, knowing any delay would cause further irritation.
I thought once I escaped that chaotic environment I would be freed of the Murphy’s Law curse. What I quickly learned as a young adult was that although my day-to-day life was calmer I still lived in damage control mode. I analyzed and over analyzed every minute of every day. I had control over many areas of my life but I still felt over-obligated and trapped by the opportunities that had freed me from my childhood home.
My poor self esteem and defensive thought patterns made me question every “Hi” or smile I received from college classmates and strangers on the street alike. I was waiting for those smiles to contort into grimaces and the torment of my grade school days to return. I may have grown into a young woman but the scared, shy, little girl lived inside me waiting for Murphy’s Law to strike again. I didn’t know who “Murphy” was, but I was certain he hated me—so wouldn’t everyone else?
Over the years I worked through these issues, or so it seemed at the time. During my marriage I quickly found myself back in the Landof Murphy, wondering how I found myself there yet again. I was constantly reminded “it’s all your fault” and I fluidly fell back into the default survival patterns of my childhood. This time there were no raised voices, just silence and abandonment.
When I found myself navigating divorce while pregnant, I made the decision to never live by Murphy’s Law again. Through my healing I came to fully understand there is no such thing as luck – good or bad. Sometimes our “bad luck” is simply our learning journey. Sometimes learning is painful and hard. Once the lesson is learned we are freed from the struggle forever.
Each day I seek to learn those lessons more readily as I know each one brings another layer of release and healing. Of redemption.
And through redemption comes God’s blessings.
About Kate Powers: Published author, speaker and coach, Kate shares information, experience and useful tools to help women rethink their limiting beliefs, incorporate their values in all areas, reduce emotional baggage and move forward with confidence and knowing. Kate has been a passionate advocate for her clients for over 10 years and recently released her second book.
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