Today I am thankful that I can write for this community of women and be real and share my heart. I am thankful because I know that I can be honest and vulnerable and that you, beautiful reader, will understand.
I’ve been struggling today. I’ve been struggling because I have endometriosis. Odds are, you’ve heard of it; and if not, it’s some complicated lady issue and I’m glad you don’t know about it. Today I am in pain, and lots of it. But the issue doesn’t lie with the pain (I’d like to think I have a pretty high pain tolerance) but with my head and my heart.
People have told me time and time again that I should pray asking for healing, pray believing that God will make me well and that I won’t need medicine or that we can find a medicine that is truly effective. And I have prayed—oh have I prayed. But the pain persists, and the medications I take can only do so much to manage the condition, and for one weekend every month I’m left wondering if I didn’t really believe God could heal me, or if maybe He just didn’t believe me. I wonder if I didn’t do something right, if there’s some bigger reason He has not made me well like so many people told me He would if I just believed.
I was reading my Bible this morning, trying to be productive before cramps knocked me out of commission for the day, and I read in 2 Corinthians 12 Paul’s story about the thorn in his side that he asked God three times to take from him. But God didn’t take it. God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” and Paul was left to struggle and in the end he tells us that he was proud of this weakness.
And I think, so maybe this is why I haven’t been “healed” the way I thought I would be—God has many things to teach me through this struggle; if He simply took it away, what wisdom and truth would I be missing out on?
“For the Lord builds up Zion, he appears in his glory; he regards the prayer of the destitute and does not despise their prayer.” (Psalm 102:16-17)
Just because God didn’t answer my prayers the way I hoped He would doesn’t mean I didn’t do it right or didn’t believe enough. He has bigger plans for me than what I can see; He will not leave me broken but will make me whole in His own time and as He sees fit.
What weaknesses are you struggling with? What prayers in your life seem unanswered today? Can you see the strength of God working in you through those things? The Lord is offering us the opportunity to trust Him in our cracked places, and though our bodies and wills may fail, He never will.
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Laura Hyers is a Tampa native, writer, and the newly wed wife of musician Caleb. She recently graduated from the University of South Florida with a bachelor’s degree in psychology with a concentration in literature and is currently teaching preschool. When not chasing a class of two-year-olds, Laura is writing and fighting fierce bouts of wanderlust. She loves music, reading, being near the ocean, and dreaming big over huge cups of coffee with her best friend Lakin. Laura blogs at http://littlebirdmarie.wordpress.com.
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