Do you want to know a secret? It’s part of every woman, more so than men: it’s the power of a grudge. Perhaps it first became us when Adam shifted all the blame on Eve; maybe that’s the first taste we had of bitterness, a deep cut betrayal when we thought we should have had defense. Like so many other things, instead of rooting it out, it was allowed to fester. To spread. To become a cancer, gnawing in the quiet discontent of our souls, until it’s too late to notice it ate the most important parts.
I once read in a book that Woman is begrudged by Satan more than any other thing, and this is why: he was beautiful. He was glorious. He was bright and shining and strong, and he led others in the way of beauty. He was prized. It all went to his head; he thought he could improve and strengthen past the strength of his Maker, and that was his downfall.
Women are created from that same glorious thread, that same God-beauty and strength. And he cannot stand that we have been given what once was his.
The Enemy of our souls is the first of the line of Grudge, festering in his hatred of the light that shines from us, just because we were created Woman. He sets that line free, tempting us with the lure of glory and fame and being ever right, all of our own doing. And of course we take it. Who doesn’t want to be adored, arrayed in the fine jewels of gasping admiration and leaving in our path a wake of women thinking, “Oh, I want to be like that!”—of our own power?
Our own power?
We never see that part, do we? So we take the bait, enjoy being reeled in because we believe we’re propelling ourselves forward, up until that very moment we’re pulled up and out of the water, gutted, and left wondering where we went wrong.
Because grudges will pull you up mercilessly. They will tear up friendships, marriages, and the bond you have with your children, your parents, everyone. But you know that, don’t you? You’ve seen it firsthand, eating away at people who claim to love you, and eating away at you when your jealousy turns savage.
It’s happened to me. I’ve been the victim of many grudges, but I’ve also been the host. Some of them I see, I recognize, but it’s so hard to let go. It’s a constant struggle against that pulling, those lies, the comfort of drifting along without having to do any of the work yourself.
I have a grudge I need to release. It’s breaking apart a tie that should have been a blessing.
And it’s time to let go.
It’s not impossible to release my grip on this lure. It’s not too late, either. This applies to you as well, you know. What will you let go?
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Lakin Easterling is a wife, mother, writer, and avid reader. She spends her days chasing her toddler, Belle, and conversing with the elderly who are afflicted by Alzheimer’s disease or Dementia. She loves surprise coffee dates with her husband Luke, texting novels to her best friend, Laura Hyers, and being a college student. She dreams about being brave enough to get a tattoo, and believes in the healing power of a good cup of coffee. Her favorite nail polish is Sail Away by Milani. She blogs at http://threadingsymphonies.wordpress.com.
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