Column Post by Aj Luck
The tiny girl wasn’t breathing when her parents approached her bassinet on an early winter morning. It was sometime in the night when she had taken her final breath alone.
Frantic. Hysterical. Desperate.
Mama did CPR while Daddy called 9-1-1. They couldn’t revive their precious little girl.
Angry. Confused. Numb.
They moved mechanically forward doing what they had to, an indescribable emptiness within. Arrangements were made.
Today, they gave their sweet seven-week-old baby girl back to Heaven.
I was numb when the call came. Surely this was wrong. I hung up and cried. I walked over and hugged my son tight. I hid in the shower—the only place where I could drown out the tears and pleas to God.
Why did He allow this? I don’t understand.
The mom was a friend from high school. I had watched her, eager with anticipation of the birth of her precious Vivienne. And just like that, her sweet miracle was gone.
I couldn’t image the darkness that she was surrounded in. I prayed. I cried. I prayed again. I felt helpless. Angry. Sad.
I reminded myself of scriptures with assurance that God is with us, would never leave us nor forsake us. Could my friend possibly cling to any of this? I didn’t know.
How do you trust God in the midst of such tragedy?
I prayed from the shattered shards left of my heart. I prayed that in the midst of all this, God would reach out through this horrific situation and comfort my friend. I prayed that this would somehow draw her closer to God and not push her away. I prayed she would find some sense of peace and grasp it with everything she has. I prayed that He would be the light that would heal and restore hope once again.
Eventually.
I don’t understand with one ounce of my human understanding why God allows tragedy.
Deaths. Abuse. Murders. Deception. I wish we lived in a world where NONE of this was a reality. Sadly, that is not the case. The pain is beyond my comprehension.
This is where it hurts.
It’s like reading a book by your favorite author. You love and trust the author, yet when something terrible happens to one of the main characters you want to get mad and throw the book across the room and walk away. But you can’t. You trust the author.
You keep reading. You need to know what happens next. You’re compelled to keep going.
“I will be glad and full of joy in Your loving-kindness. For You have seen my suffering. You have known the troubles of my soul.” Psalms 31:7
We are all stories being written. God is the author of our lives. Will we trust Him in the midst of tragedy? When we want to run and hide and toss our stories aside, might we reach up and cling to the very Hand that is penning our moments?
He is with us, always.
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{Dedicated to sweet baby Vivienne and her loving mommy and daddy}
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Aj is a blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy, and an author of children’s books, spiritual thrillers, and inspirational works. Aj’s blog, Shattered Perspectives, is dedicated to encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her husband, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever, and can be reached by email at aj@shatteredperspectives.com. For media requests pertaining to Write Where It Hurts, please contact Aj at info@WriteWhereItHurts.org.
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Aj, that was beautifully written. This happens all too often, and it’s really, really hard to understand how God can allow something like this. Isaiah 51:1 says, “Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come (TLB). I’ve always hung onto that verse when I hear about a tragedy like this. Maybe God is saving them for an eternity they would not have had.
As Christians, we’ve oft heard the phrase, “We know the end of the story, and we win.” I think that’s also what keeps us going. When we reading a good fiction book and a main beloved character dies, we do get angry at the author for taking us down that road. But with the Bible, we trust the author so much, and we know the end of the story ahead of time…so we keep walking through to find out what our perfect ending will be. Take good care, Aj. Prayers, too.
Linda, thank you so much for your kind comment and beautiful insights.
I appreciate you and love your heart!
(((hugs)))
<3, Aj
Great Post Aj….well spoken..this one is very hard for me today friend..hugs..
Dee…♥