When You Reach a Crossroad



Broken dreams can create create deep crevices in our souls. As I sat in a crowded courtroom on a hot July afternoon I waited for my name to be called. I still couldn’t believe what was happening.

“How did my life turn into a case of domestic abuse?” 

It was our seventh week with no word from my then-husband and I agreed to file an Order of Protection against him since I had physical evidence he was abusing drugs.

On my wedding day I had never imagined this man would leave me because of an addiction. We had been through hellish circumstances during eight years of marriage, but I still held onto the belief of ’til death do you part. 

When you’ve been through a traumatic experience it’s easy to duck and seek cover. Your heart can become hardened and letting someone in again becomes a task of monumental effort. You can lose your confidence, deny your faith, and even find yourself questioning everyone’s motives.

But there also comes a point when you can say enough of this.

You have a mind, a heart, a passion, a voice. You were wronged and no one can take that away from you. But you can also make the choice to heal and become whole again. You may not look the same as you did before and that’s okay.

When a mighty work is being done in your life you seldom stay the same.

When my ex-husband abandoned us, I could have easily fallen to the role of  “helpless single mother,” because it felt that way at times. And while I may not have always made the best choices for myself emotionally, I was determined to take care of my children and not let them know the pain I felt.

Through those days, weeks, months, and years, God was forming places in my life where I could be free and become the woman He designed me to be. 

Over four years have passed since that court date and now I feel that part of my life was just some terrible nightmare. Now that I am remarried and healing, there is this somewhat healthy distance between my life then and how I live now.

But not without facing this crossroad in my heart where I had to choose where I wanted my life to go. 

It’s hard work. These intentional baby steps taken each and every day that have helped me put my life back together. It may sound silly but I had to fake being happy some days to eventually feel that emotion. I possessed an overwhelming fear that something bad was going to happen . . . again. 

The road wasn’t easy and along the way I wanted to give up and not take another breath. The exhaustion felt never-ending and I wondered if the pain would ever subside. Yet, it was those very moments of despair and loss where my hope was eventually restored. 

Are there places in your life where the pain has taken over? How can you begin to take control and make the intentional choice to heal?


4 thoughts on “When You Reach a Crossroad

  1. Thanks for being brave enough to share your story! You have been through so much. I’m glad that you are now remarried and in the midst of the healing process.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. Over 15 months ago when I was thrust into an unwanted journey of separation and serious financial woes that led to divorce (well, that’s still pending), child custody fights, the near suicide of a child, bankruptcy, and soon foreclosure. And that’s just the highlights. I’m in the process of trying to find my voice after 20 years of emotional abuse. It’s so hard!! I liked that you said you had to fake happiness some days. I feel like I’m there a lot, but I’m so weary.

  3. Bethany,

    I too have experienced serious financial devastation over the past ten years during different seasons. Divorce is never easy and I am praying for you and your children. Faking it some days was my only chance of making it. Stay strong and keep fighting. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your voice!

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