When you’d rather dance in the rainstorm

Column Post by Aj Luck

If you’re like me, your umbrella is safely at home on rainy days when you are not. This past week, my life has been one of those rainstorms. Fear, doubt, worry, and anxiety poured out, pelting against my heart and causing me to be fretful and mistrusting of the very one who created me.

Why do I allow this so often? I know better, yet too frequently I find myself in this rainstorm without my umbrella of Trust, believing I can control the outcome of the very things that worry me yet knowing deep down I cannot. Worry does nothing but cause greater depression and sickness.

A few weeks ago I shared my saga of our truck being repossessed. Long story short, we got it back. Since that time, I have felt strangely unsettled about the dealership and the truck in general. We continued to make payments, but there was still that inner tugging.

Suddenly the air conditioner died. Then the transmission began to slip and the alternator was failing. The cost for all those repairs on a 10-year-old truck with almost 200,000 miles was more than we were willing to invest. We needed another vehicle.

We began to search but I was a wreck. I worried about our credit. Was it good enough? Not really. Did we have the down payment? Not really. Would we find something reliable? Would we land in another “shady” lot?

I wrestled with the unknown, uttering prayers laced with fear and doubt. I felt trapped without a solution. I needed to know. The silence was destroying me, the anxiety making me sick. I was getting depressed thinking of “what might be.” I failed to trust. I failed to remember. I failed to let go. I failed to settle my heart long enough to listen to my Creator.

On Thursday night at 10:30p.m I drove a 2012 Nissan Altima off the dealerships lot. Our new car. We traded our truck for $1000 more than we owed on it and got a fantastic deal on the Nissan.

As I drove toward home with my family beside me, God whispered to my heart, “Why do you doubt me so much when I have always provided for you?”

I hung my head and whispered back, “I’m sorry, Lord. I truly do not know.”

How quickly I forget all the ways God has been there for us. He’s always provided. Perhaps not exactly what we wanted, but always what we needed.

“Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries. The troubles we have in a day are enough for one day.” Matthew 6:34 

Next time I get caught in a rainstorm of worry, I plan to dance under my umbrella of trust instead of drowning in fear and anxiety. And you, friend? Will you dance, too?

True to God’s sweet humor, it was pouring rain as I drove off the lot that night. I didn’t have my umbrella, but I did have Him. And, as always, he had me.”

Sometimes it rains miracles.

Aj is a blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy, and an author of children’s books, spiritual thrillers, and inspirational works. Aj’s blog, Shattered Perspectives, is dedicated to encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her husband, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever, and can be reached by email at aj@shatteredperspectives.com. For media requests pertaining to Write Where It Hurts, please contact Aj at info@WriteWhereItHurts.org.

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