I’m trying to assimilate back into my life but I’m having a hard time. I’ve always had a heart for the poor, but God is stirring me in a way I could never have imagined.
I never dreamed of being a mom, but when Isaiah came into my life God changed me. Then I never imagined loving as deeply as I’d fallen in love with my son, but this week God brought a little girl named Wynona into my life.
I walked with our youth on this trip all week–listened to their struggles, encouraged their work, worked alongside them, and gave direction when needed. I held it all together as much as I could, but yesterday in worship I fell apart. We sang the chorus of a song that says “So remember Your people, remember Your children, remember Your promise, O God” and I lost it.
There is absolutely no excuse for poverty similar to that of any third world country to exist right here on American soil only a 14 hour drive from us. God forgive us! Forgive us Christians for not being aware! Forgive the Church for turning their backs! Forgive my own ignorance!
When we ended the service with song about letting God’s love flow from us, I lost it again. I look back at last week and know that I poured out all the love I had in me and then some. And I’m having a really hard time knowing I have to wait another 51 weeks before I can wrap my arms around this little one out in South Dakota on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.
I will have to become ingenious as to how I can love on her from this distance. I didn’t think anyone could steal my heart the way my son did, and my heart is breaking knowing of the life this little six-year-old has already endured and imagining what may be yet to come for this little girl.
She has already experienced more than most of our own youth. I thought I had experienced a lot of life. This little one, who knows it is God who makes her whole, has far too much to deal with. I’m praying she can just be a little girl while she is a little girl. She has had to grow up much too quickly already. I pray she is protected from further harm. I seriously feel like I left half of my heart in SD. I know God will mend me, but I’m a bit of a mess right now.
And you, friend? Are you wrecked by the suffering of someone you love? How do you remain hopeful while you wait for God’s plan to unfold?
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P.S. We’d love to know your thoughts, so please be sure to comment below. Each of our commenters will be entered in a drawing for this month’s FREE book giveaway, Mothers & Daughters: Mending a Strained Relationship by author Teena Stewart.
Elizabeth Buhrke is a single mother of a deaf/blind/autistic 12-year-old son. A worship leader at heart, she has just recently returned to speaking and sharing what God has done in her life after a 10-year hiatus. Elizabeth’s passion for the Lord compels her to share the dark places from which Christ has drawn her through word and song. Her foundational joy is rooted in Christ and reflected brightly in the life of her son. She counts them both as integral reasons she is alive and empowered to share the gospel with others today.