Column Post by Aj Luck
In that place where I am afraid to dream, it is bright and colorful. The party of the century is being thrown, and I’m not invited. They won’t let me in.
I’m not dressed like the rest. I am cloaked in fear.
Fear isn’t allowed here. Fear inhibits and stifles.
Fear binds me in chains of doubt and resistance, whispering, “You can’t possibly do that! You aren’t good enough. Your words won’t matter anyway.”
I long be free. I yearn to dance in the moments and opportunities, but I can’t move.
I want to sing and shout for joy, but my voice is broken and the words won’t come out.
I want dress in fearlessness and courage, but my cloak of fear is too heavy to shake off on my own. I feel helpless.
My dreams are broken. My mistakes and failures have cracked their very foundations and I don’t know if I will ever get them back.
I doubt it would matter much anyway.
I eavesdrop on others here at the party of dreams come true. I hear their stories and try rejoicing with them, but inside I envy the way they move so freely about. Why can’t I move forward when it’s what I want most in the world?
I drown in self pity.
They are funny things, broken dreams. I was this person a few years back. I reveled in my fear and doubt and refused to move forward. But I wasn’t lazy. I was convinced that if my dreams were broken, then something in me must be broken, too.
Nobody wants what is broken.
Then I was reminded of a man in the bible who had been sick for 38 years. He was lying beside the pool at Bethesda, a place considered to be healing waters. One day Jesus, knowing how long this man had been ill, walked up and asked him if he WANTED to get well.
“I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
Jesus told him, “Pick up your mat and WALK!”
INSTANTLY, the man was healed.
For years, I felt like this man: I can’t even dream dreams, let alone pursue them! Someone else always gets there ahead of me, because I am sick and broken.
Life is messy. Mistakes are made. Dreams break.
BUT GOD. God loves us so much, He can FIX not only our brokenness, but our broken dreams as well.
Won’t you dare to dream again? Dare to surrender your broken pieces to God. He is waiting to not only take you to a party, but to throw you a party, to celebrate the gem you are.
Because in His eyes, you are treasured and whole.
. . . . . . . . . .
We would LOVE to know your thoughts. Leave a comment and be entered in a drawing to win a copy of Max Lucado’s new Grace Happens Here.
Aj is a blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy, and an author of children’s books, spiritual thrillers, and inspirational works. Aj’s blog, Shattered Perspectives, is dedicated to encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her husband, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever, and can be reached by email at aj@shatteredperspectives.com. For media requests pertaining to Write Where It Hurts, please contact Aj at info@WriteWhereItHurts.org.
Read more encouraging stories from brave-hearted women here. Be sure to grab your free copy of inspirational quotes and writing prompts while you’re there. (Look over on the right hand side!)
Aww Aj…This was so needed right now..but now I am in tears..what a day?! And, here I was thinking no one could possible hear my heart and fell my pain..I know God is mender of broken lives and broke dreams..I guess I just never thought it could happen for me..I know God has this and He will do what He has already said, confirmed, and spoken life into over and over again..I am just very physically and emotionally drained and simply need strenghth, understanding, wisdom, and grace…God Bless you sweet friend..Love you..Good Night..Dee ♥
Dee.. Thank you for your comment. You are such a sweet, beautiful daughter of God. He is restoring you moment by moment and gently guiding you to the places He has for you. I rejoice with you in this!! You don’t have to be that girl outside, afraid to dream. I encouraging you DREAM big and Dream often!! You are such a shiny treasure in the Kingdom!! Believe this. I believe in you and the dreams God IS birthing in and through you!!! ((((Bear hug!!))))))
Aj
Aj, that was very poignant. I feel like that girl sometimes. I can look back on a life full dreams fulfilled in one way or another and still feel like that insecure, fear-filled girl who isn’t quite good enough for God to pay attention to. And yet…I am here…I am breathing…it’s a new day! When I read what you wrote about the man by the pool of Bethsethda, my mind centered on the part where he had been there for thirty-eight years. Thirty-eight years! If there’s one thing I feel God has given me as a life lesson, it’s patience (and I want it NOW!). When I read about the men of ministry in the Bible, I find that most of them went through years and years of preparation. Sometimes (a lot!) I feel like I am done being prepared!! I want my dream fulfilled now. But I have no doubt that it’s coming. I trust him for the form of it. Great post, Aj!!
Linda, i have NO doubt God is, and has been preparing you all while enabling you to be such a precious blessing to others. Your story is amazing, and is still being written. (Your life story that is!)
I am right here cheering you on as you approach the next chapters ahead. You have a beautiful heart and I am so encouraged by each step you take. Like I told Dee- keep dreaming. DREAM BIG!! You are the daughter of the greatest dreamer/ creator of all!!
((((Bear hug!!)))
❤Aj
i Love You Aj…Thank You..♥ Dee
Hi! From the time I was in 2nd grade, around 8 yrs of age, til I was about 16, 17 yrs old, I had ALWAYS wanted to be in the U.S. Air Force. All those yrs., it was all I ever wanted to be. Unfortunately, all American bases in the Philippines were pulled out just about a year before I turn 18, when I can enlist. My world crumbled down. From then on, I couldn’t start building dreams again. I just kind of went with the flow, with what life has to offer or has stored for me. Wherever I am now, is just a result of me going with the flow. Up to this time, if ask what do I really want to be or what do I really want to do or what do I really want out of life, my life…it’s still not easy for me to answer that question. These though I’m sure. I would like my death to be of something, of value to someone, to have an impact to somebody that would change his/her/their lives for good. I would like the remaining yrs of my spent making a difference, but the thing is, I don’t know how nor even where to begin. As for dreams, I now only dream for my children, not for myself anymore. But if God is willing, I would like to be given more yrs into my life & my husband’s life, for both of us to have that chance finally to share the love God has bestowed upon our hearts after almost 20 yrs of pains and tears.
Marjo-
My heart breaks as I read your reply.
First and foremost, I want you to know that YOU do matter, YOU do have value and YOU do have a purpose in this world- beyond just dreaming for your children. I too am a parent, so I understand the dreams we dream for them. It is part of the beauty of being a mom. 🙂
I am very sorry that the Air Force dreams were not fulfilled as you had hoped. However, I do not believe that God has stopped dreaming for you. (He is the ultimate parent dreaming dreams for His children.)
Sometimes we get to a place where we feel as if we need to do something grand in our lives to validate our being here. Please know that God has you here for a specific reason- that He has dreamed up for you, for your children and for your marriage.
I pray that you would focus on each day as a gift. Open your heart to follow God. Love without conditions. Embrace your family and each moment. Give God your broken dreams and hurts and ask Him to breathe life into new dreams for you.
Let go of the broken shards of disappointment so that you may grab hold of the new ones He has in store for you!!
KEEP DREAMING BIG!
Love you, believe in you..and praying for you and your family!!
((((hugs!!)))
Aj <3