Column Post by Aj Luck
In that place where I am afraid to dream, it is bright and colorful. The party of the century is being thrown, and I’m not invited. They won’t let me in.
I’m not dressed like the rest. I am cloaked in fear.
Fear isn’t allowed here. Fear inhibits and stifles.
Fear binds me in chains of doubt and resistance, whispering, “You can’t possibly do that! You aren’t good enough. Your words won’t matter anyway.”
I long be free. I yearn to dance in the moments and opportunities, but I can’t move.
I want to sing and shout for joy, but my voice is broken and the words won’t come out.
I want dress in fearlessness and courage, but my cloak of fear is too heavy to shake off on my own. I feel helpless.
My dreams are broken. My mistakes and failures have cracked their very foundations and I don’t know if I will ever get them back.
I doubt it would matter much anyway.
I eavesdrop on others here at the party of dreams come true. I hear their stories and try rejoicing with them, but inside I envy the way they move so freely about. Why can’t I move forward when it’s what I want most in the world?
I drown in self pity.
They are funny things, broken dreams. I was this person a few years back. I reveled in my fear and doubt and refused to move forward. But I wasn’t lazy. I was convinced that if my dreams were broken, then something in me must be broken, too.
Nobody wants what is broken.
Then I was reminded of a man in the bible who had been sick for 38 years. He was lying beside the pool at Bethesda, a place considered to be healing waters. One day Jesus, knowing how long this man had been ill, walked up and asked him if he WANTED to get well.
“I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
Jesus told him, “Pick up your mat and WALK!”
INSTANTLY, the man was healed.
For years, I felt like this man: I can’t even dream dreams, let alone pursue them! Someone else always gets there ahead of me, because I am sick and broken.
Life is messy. Mistakes are made. Dreams break.
BUT GOD. God loves us so much, He can FIX not only our brokenness, but our broken dreams as well.
Won’t you dare to dream again? Dare to surrender your broken pieces to God. He is waiting to not only take you to a party, but to throw you a party, to celebrate the gem you are.
Because in His eyes, you are treasured and whole.
. . . . . . . . . .
Aj is a blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy, and an author of children’s books, spiritual thrillers, and inspirational works. Aj’s blog, Shattered Perspectives, is dedicated to encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her husband, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever, and can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org. For media requests pertaining to Write Where It Hurts, please contact Aj at info@WriteWhereItHurts.org.
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