Did you have a diary when you were a little girl? I did. Mine was pink with Holly Hobbie on it with a special lock and key; It was my safe place to record my most intimate thoughts. I was six.
I often wonder what thoughts consumed me to the point of seeking solitude in my diary. Sadly, I will never know. I no longer have it.
Years later I saved up my money and bought another one. It was a simple blue clothbound book with little brown bears on the cover. The pages were lined and blank, patiently waiting to keep my recorded thoughts safe.
I decided to try my hand at poetry. Locking myself in my room, I lay across my bed on my belly, legs crossed behind me, my pen racing across the pages pouring out my inspiration. I was proud of my words.
One day I found the courage to read one of my poems to a family member. As I read the words aloud I stood a foot taller in my mind, chest puffed out full of pride as I shared my words. My heart. The last word read and my teddy bear journal closed, I stood waiting for a reaction.
BOOM! The words crashed against my heart.
“AJ! That is horrible! That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Why would you write something so DARK?”
I swallowed tears, hung my head low, and walked away crushed. I put my blue cloth teddy bear journal in my desk and left it there. I never wrote another line of poetry again.
It has been over 30 years since that defining day, yet I can still see it vividly in my mind’s eye. I remember the poem and the reasons behind my words. I wrote of an ocean and a girl. She was sad and alone and afraid of living in fear. She walked with each step intentional, deeper into the ocean until the waves consumed her and she feared no more.
I was ten. This was not a suicide note, this was my attempt at explaining my heart and how overwhelmed it felt. I had been an only child, lived through 2 divorces and moved so often long-term friendship was a foreign concept. I was just being expressive, not literal. I was pouring out my heart.
Why do I share this? Because I want to encourage you. I want to look at you square in the heart and tell you to LET YOUR VOICE be heard. No matter the words or the pain that may have tried to stop you from being you, PUSH past them. Allow God to breathe life into them again, and use them mightily for HIS GLORY.
“Beautiful words stir my heart. I will recite a lovely poem about the King, for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet.”- Psalms 45:1 NLT
Your words can bring pain or healing. Be intentional. Be true to the beautiful person God has created you to be.
What is your poetry?
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Aj is a blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy, and an author of children’s books, spiritual thrillers, and inspirational works. Aj’s blog, Shattered Perspectives, is dedicated to encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her husband, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever, and can be reached by email at email@example.com. For media requests pertaining to Write Where It Hurts, please contact Aj at info@WriteWhereItHurts.org.
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4 thoughts on “Who told you that you aren’t good enough?”
I was very touched by this post. I relate wholeheartedly. I stopped writing poetry and singing due to the same. Criticism. Thank you for writing this.
I am very glad you liked the post. THANK YOU! I am so sorry that you stopped writing poetry and singing.
Criticism can be very detrimental.
I hope and pray that you have found some measure of healing and are able to continue in your love for singing as well as poetry and songwriting.
We must not let criticism silence us.
Speak loudly. Dream BIG!
Love, hugs and prayers!!
AJ, I am so sorry. I know this pain and my heart aches for you. How wonderful that you have taken the experience and turned it into good, encouraging others to be heard! Thank you for sharing your heart:-)
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot!!
It’s not always easy to remind ourselves…but oh so important:
We are loved, valued and we do have purpose in this world!! (NO MATTER WHAT!)
– Our Creator says so-
I hope and pray you have a great week!!
Love, (((hugs))) and prayers!!!