by Cherie L. LaLanne
Over time, my collection of diaries grew with large gaps of time unrecorded. Periodically, I would cringe as I read of my obsession with grown men at the tender age of twelve. Even the diaries from grade school were filled with boys’ names.
The onset of sexual addiction hit me hard early in life. Miracle upon miracle, I survived sexual violence and life threatening encounters with equally dangerous men who were meant to protect me; normal events amidst a family of outlaw biker gangs and mafia.
Thirty years later, the aftereffects of my younger years catapulted me back into the outlaw biker culture. Revictimization and reflections of self destructive behavior poured out into my journaling. Writing returned as a life preserver and served a purpose. This time, in the form of poetry and rhyme, I was reaching for God, grasping for the key designed to free me from shackles of rage, fear, and shame.
A short time in a jail cell with a prostitute named Jessie brought a deeper meaning to my writing. My friend, who was unable to put her thoughts to paper, asked if I’d do her a favor. A short letter to a relative about her childhood abuser revealed I was to share my gift of writing. Not only was my writing essential to my own healing, but it was significant to another; a greater purpose.
Visiting my old friends secured by their tiny gold locks revealed life patterns. Little did I know that my suppressed memories would be excavated through my treasure trove of diaries. During a course of therapeutic writing, I learned that old desires were now gone. My sexual addiction had been washed away! Again, writing served a purpose.
The more time I spent in God’s word, the more I wanted to write! He wanted to take my writing to a new level. As I began working on the book so many had encouraged me to write, God took over. As it is with gang mentality, a biker’s identity lies with the club; the family. Then there is the mafia. Both defined me and I lived with a mistaken identity.
As I wrote my chapters, pounding out painful memories were accompanied by a peace that surpasses all understanding. I could never imagine ever sharing some of these thoughts. God led me on a healing journey through His divine revelation and sacred echoes. Through God’s word and the writings of a well known Christian author, I read about my spiritual bloodline in Jesus Christ. This changed the entire tone of my book, Biker Blood ©.
Over the next year, I would repeatedly see and hear the word bloodline. This remains as a constant reminder of the healing which I’ve received without years of counseling.
Dreams are often where I get my inspiration to write and I journal every one of them. As I began to pray for their purpose, my dreams became more vivid and more frequent. This elevated my writing once again.
Without purpose, we are lost souls wandering around, grasping for a meaning of our life. The ultimate dream that revealed purpose came with these words spoken…
Tell them..Romans 10
Never having read the book of Romans, I searched for a Bible in my boxes of books.
Tell them what?
“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?” – Romans 10:13-14
Now, through my writing, I tell them all the Lord has done and others are blessed with the gift God has entrusted me with. Writing with purpose brought deliverance from my old mistaken identity and revealed my true bloodline, but most importantly, God’s purpose.
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17
Cherie survived years of childhood sexual abuse while raised among a family of outlaw biker gangs and Sicilian mafia where drugs, rape and violence were rampant. She lives out God’s purpose for her life by raising her teenage daughter, working as a Human Resources professional, writing grants for nonprofits, and sharing God’s redeeming love through her writing and serving as the women’s ministry leader of an outreach biker church in Northern California.
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