Guest Post by Ricci Neer
It seemed each year was more difficult than the last. She thought for sure that this would get easier. Growing up without a father didn’t seem like that big of a deal. For a little girl unaware, it just was.
She can’t remember anyone asking much about her father or where he was. Perhaps it was because she kept mostly superficial relationships, at best. Those who did get close looked past the acting out, past her wounding. It was usually someone who had fallen in love and became determined to save her from herself.
As each Father’s Day approached, she found herself reflecting, ultimately seeing that it had been just so classic: The young fatherless daughter, yearning to fill a void she didn’t even realize she had.
So desperate was she that her prom date had grey hair. At the time she said it was because she wanted to go to the prom in a Porsche. But what seventeen year old wants something like that so badly she’d be willing to go with a man obviously well into his thirties? And we won’t even get into the topic of the man who was willing to take her.
As the years passed, the thoughts, feelings and emotions around fatherlessness were swept under the carpet. A disconnection began to take place. “That’s in the past,” she whispered to herself.
Creating a persona that didn’t require the presence of a father served her strong desire to silence the pain. Experiencing the truth would surely lead her to a place of pity. No, she would never want anyone to feel sorry for her. She had survived, and thrived, by staying focused on what was positive. Avoidance and denial were her only tools.
However, as areas of her soul began to awaken, it was as if fireflies were igniting within her psyche. Pulses of light illuminated areas of darkness that begged to be illuminated for good.
Once this realization dawned, she had no choice but to embrace the little girl she had left so far behind. Connecting with the pain and the hidden beauty it contained was her saving grace.
As she opened her eyes, it was as if the world had shifted into place. For as long as she could remember, she had lived her life looking for someone to guide her—to help her find the rest of the instruction manual, the pieces of her internal code that were missing.
She soon realized that her missing pieces included the guidance of a father.
Moving through that pain led her to a place of freedom—the freedom that comes with understanding that she has the rare opportunity to create any of those pieces she wants.
There is no instruction manual.
She, like everyone else, gets to write her own.
. . . . . . . . . .
P.S. Won’t you please leave us a comment and share your thoughts, too?
Ricci Neer strengthens, encourages and supports business professionals as a Certified Dream Coach®, Certified Spiritual Group Leader®, purpose-driven marketing advisor, and passionate keynote speaker. Whether hosting, speaking and training at live events, or working with clients individually or in groups, Ricci’s tactile and practical methods, combined with her purpose-driven mission, propels professionals to achieve their dreams and goals. She is the author of the Build Your Platform; Build Your Revenue™ curriculum that teaches entrepreneurs, independent professionals and small business owners how to market themselves in the new economy by inspiring, energizing, and intellectually stimulating their customers and prospects, while reaping the business benefits of their contributions.
Well, this is an all too familiar story for me and sadly for millions of other ‘kids’.
Ricci, what a beautifully written post that demonstrates the importance of fathers. I relate so much to what you wrote. Similar to yourself, I had spent a lifetime trying to ignore the emptiness of living without my dad. When I discovered that I have a Heavenly Father who would love me, cherish me & accept me, it made a dramatic difference. His unconditional love gently mends old scars and transforms us from the inside out. I’m forever grateful for His saving grace.