How Can I Enforce Healthy Boundaries?


Reader Question: How do I explain my boundaries with my family to those who think because I am a Christian, I should not have these boundaries? These are boundaries that have not been put in place lightly, ones I have dedicated to prayer and I feel they are appropriate and needed. But I am constantly questioned and sometimes judged by those who seek to have ‘sweet surfaces’ instead of true depth in relationships.

Answer: It sounds like you have contemplated this matter deeply, and sought answers from the Lord–which is always the best guidance. I don’t know what hurts or woundings your family has caused, but God doesn’t expect any of us to be a doormats– family or not. Your first allegiance is to Him and then to your husband and children. However, if others aren’t seeing truth, nothing you can do will make them. All you can do is pray and love them {even when they act unlovable}.

Boundaries protect your heart from pain and often help you avoid co-dependent or toxic relationships. I recommend the book Love is a Choice, by Drs. Minrith and Meier, or Boundaries by John Townsend. Both books can help make your personal boundaries easier to define and to enforce, giving you all the information you need to make wise decisions.

It’s important to take responsibility for our lives and  that often requires the enforcement of healthy boundaries, so I applaud your courage. I pray God’s wisdom permeates each choice you make.


{If you have a question for Rita about boundaries, or another question you would like for her to consider in a future topic, please leave it in the comments section below.}

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