I remember them
The girls who curled their lips and rolled their eyes
And the boys who laughed and found joy in my pain
And the grownups who had no idea
Who lived in my body
None of them knew it was me in here
And sadly I was struggling to know me too
I wanted to be like them
Pretty, smart, slender, liked
I watched them through averted eyes
And mimicked their steps
I threw my pebble across the ripples
But mine didn’t skip
It sank to the bottom of the muck
And they shut me out
And they never knew how much it hurt
I thought, then, if my pebble wasn’t smooth enough
I’d use a rock
I’d show them I was tough enough
To merit their admiration, somehow
But it only made me emptier
It only made them sneer
And I was left again with only me
The me no one seemed to need
And I vowed one day things would be different
One day someone would love me
And hold my pebble and think it beautiful
And skip it across an ocean of dreams
And help me to love me too
What painful feeling from childhood do you need to word, friend? Might you write it out and leave it in the palm of God’s hand? Your burden will be a bit lighter if you can, and we can hold hands across the miles while we pour out and leave behind because we know what we are leaving behind was only weighing us down. We were made for more than this. We were made to fly free, unencumbered by the pain of the past.
Join me in this? We will both be less alone.
. . . . . . . . . .
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Lisa Easterling is a lifelong resident of the Tampa Bay area alongside her husband Steve, five children, and two grandchildren. A pioneer for home education in Florida, she has served in various areas of Christian ministry for the past 32 years. Lisa is a lifelong writer, editor, creative writing coach, and Site Director for Write Where It Hurts. Her favorite place to write is near the ocean, and she particularly loves helping others to fall in love with words. Lisa blogs at www.lisaeasterling.com and can be reached by following @writepraylove on Twitter or emailing blue@lisaeasterling.com.
Read more encouraging stories from brave-hearted women here. Be sure to grab your free copy of inspirational quotes and writing prompts while you’re there. (Look over on the right hand side!)
There were several of us social outcasts in our middle school in the 1970s. We either sat at a certain bench outside under a tree or we played chess in the library. We’ve all grown up successfully enough, and 35 years later, now we play Words with Friends on FB — from across the country. 🙂
I love it, Virginia! A beautiful picture of authentic relationship standing the test of time.
I need to let go of not feeling like I’m enough or worthy of or deserving of love and goodness in my life. I still struggle with feeling like I belong, and I hate feeling lonely. God is healing me from my adoption wounds, but these are long-held beliefs that will take time to work through. I’m growing and changing, and I trust Him. God is so good!
Dear friend, you are so right. You are loved fiercely by the Creator of the Universe, so you are beautifully worthy! His grace is sufficient to heal even the most long-standing of pain, and I love the way you are already on your way to healing by the acknowledgment of your growth and the conscious choice you are making to trust Him in this area. You are in my prayers, one Lisa to another. 🙂