When you’re on the outside looking in

outsider

I remember them

The girls who curled their lips and rolled their eyes
And the boys who laughed and found joy in my pain
And the grownups who had no idea
Who lived in my body
None of them knew it was me in here
And sadly I was struggling to know me too
I wanted to be like them
Pretty, smart, slender, liked
I watched them through averted eyes
And mimicked their steps
I threw my pebble across the ripples
But mine didn’t skip
It sank to the bottom of the muck
And they shut me out
And they never knew how much it hurt
I thought, then, if my pebble wasn’t smooth enough
I’d use a rock
I’d show them I was tough enough
To merit their admiration, somehow
But it only made me emptier
Only made them sneer
And I was left again with only me
The me no one seemed to need
And I vowed one day things would be different
One day someone would love me
And hold my pebble and think it beautiful
And skip it across an ocean of dreams
And help me to love me too

 

2 thoughts on “When you’re on the outside looking in

  1. Lisa,

    (in Tears here)

    How did you know..what I felt back then and connect the dots to how it has affected me now??? 🙁 I love you all..this healing thing hurts..but i am walking it through..HUGS to you and the team..Dee

    • Sweet friend, I knew because I was that girl, too. Weren’t most of us at some point or another? We keep growing and by His grace we forgive and heal and turn bright cheeks to the sunshine and walk on. And we hold hands as we walk because there is courage in this sweet company, all of us walking together in His light. I love you, too.

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