Battle Cry

Guest post by Kelly Heuer

Last week I shared with you a broad brush stroke of how I came to be who I am. Not a survivor. To say that I am a survivor implies, to me, that I am also still a victim without the perpetrator. I am NOT a victim, no matter how I was victimized. What I am is a fighter, a work of grace.

The first three verses of “Battle Cry” were born of the struggle between surviving and falling back to the known, emerging from the torment. This was an outpouring of rage and fear. While these verses prevailed, the rage was also directed at God. How could he do this to me, to my children? Fury flowed from my lips and my heart.

You think you’re tearing me apart
Shredding my will
Taking my heart
Stomping it down
You’re making me stronger
Building me up
Giving me reason to fight
You would have me believe 
I am weak
A fool
A woman dependent
On your whim
Every word you spew
Gives me reason to fight
To breathe
To prove myself
I am stronger now 
Because of your hate
I am fierce
Let’s dance, you and I
Bring it on
I can take you

You don’t scare me any more
I have no hate
No use for it 
Or for you
Who would drag me down
Jealous of the me I am
You can’t touch me
Make me cry
I feel for you
Poor pitiful creature
You don’t see the beauty of you
Without ruining me
Do you feel like a man?
Can you even see your own reflection?
Or are those who really would take it all
Obscuring the view?
You were a man 
Who had everything
Love and family and friends
You threw us away
Accused us of greed
You are the one who can’t get enough
But it’s not money you crave
It is my soul
So let’s dance, you and I
Bring it on
I can take you

You covered me up
Held me down
Smothered me
Crushed me till I couldn’t breathe
You have no self worth
So you tried to steal mine
But, you can’t make me hate you
Or hate me
You can’t make me feel 
Like a failure
A waste
A useless thing
To feel better about you
You threw me away
Now you seethe
That I’ve come to realize what you’ve done
You want to blame me
When you are at fault
Not seeing the thing of beauty we were
You ground it into ugliness
With your tight-fisted grip
You broke my wings
Robbed me of the dust that allowed me to soar
You thought I couldn’t heal
That I was wounded too deeply 
To fly
Now let’s dance, you and I 
Bring it on
I can take you

You tried to steal my soul
To take my heart beating
And grind it into dust
Your loathing seared me to Ash
I learned love
My bruised and broken wings are whole
Now I fly
Higher for the strength in the broken pieces of me
Fear me
For I am strong and fierce and fearless
We dance, you and I
You brought it on
Now I’m taking you down

Long before ink touched paper, my anger at God was slowly replaced by the knowledge that God was with me through it all. There were peaceful, gentle reminders that come what may, it was my Father Who held me up, made me strong, knit my brokenness together again.

 The final verse was penned on the eve of my departure with my children from the Dominican Republic. It was born of triumph, but not just victory in that battle. It was poured out in the moment of realization that, through my Father’s loving strength, the victim was finally dead and the fighter, Grace In Motion, was born.

Kelly Heuer resides in Idaho and asserts that she is foremost a wife to her best friend and hero. Five children (plus a few extras) call her Mami, and she considers being a wife and mother to be her most important job and ministry. She is her church’s Music/AV Coordinator and serves as a song leader among other roles as needed. A missionary kid, Kelly lived in the Dominican Republic for 14 years learning to read and translate legal documents in both Spanish and English. She says one of the most important revelations of her time there was learning the value of writing in alleviating the pain of both internal and external struggles. She says while others might describe her as a survivor, she calls herself a fighter, a thriver, a winner. Kelly’s heart is to help women worldwide to go beyond survival and be freed to never again fear enslavement.

Read more encouraging stories from brave-hearted women here. Be sure to grab your free copy of inspirational quotes and writing prompts while you’re there. (Look over on the right hand side!)