Column Post by Aj Luck
Racked with a terrible stomach bug, I did what was expected of me. I stayed in my pajamas, curled up in a blanket on the couch, and mindlessly channel-surfed.
There it was, right in front of me: Dr. Phil interviewing a husband and wife about the husband’s abusive behavior. I paused. Compelled, I turned up the volume.
Sure, the faces were those of complete strangers, but the words were all too familiar.
I saw the anger in his eyes. And the fear in hers. She looked down as he spoke with an arrogance that made my skin crawl. Dr. Phil tried to offer the best television counsel he could, but the husband’s agenda was crystal clear.
He was only saying what was needed to save face. Later, after the camera crews were gone and he was alone with his wife, his wrath would swing into full motion.
I know this because I was that wife.
No, I never sat on a public stage seeking help. Instead I cried in private. I swallowed fearful tears. I smiled and pretended all was well. I spoke only “safe” words. I dared not make my husband look bad. But no matter how hard I tried, I always made him mad. Always. Nothing I did appeased his pride. He always belittled, berated and abused me to make himself feel better.
Long after the talk show was over I remained on my couch, crying. It has been 12 years since I was in an abusive situation. It took only moments to remember the pain all over again.
I cried for the woman on the show. I cried for friends who are living this personal hell now, and are afraid to get out. I cried for strangers who feel there is no way out.
I cried out to God. I thanked Him for reminding me what truly breaks my heart. I prayed that He would never let me forget it again. Not to constantly relive the pain of my past, but to continually be compelled to share His love for His daughters who feel lost, hurt, lonely, angry, confused, and scared.
Finally, I prayed for you. I want you to know that I completely understand the horror of an abusive relationship. I know how scared you are. I can relate to how empty you feel.
You do not have to live like this.
There is a loving God who believes the best about you. He has not abandoned you. Talk to Him. I know it’s scary. I know you feel worthless. You are not worthless.
You are beautiful. Precious. A treasure. God’s perfectly-created masterpiece. Don’t let the enemy tell you differently.
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”
Since God is with you, who can be against you? (Romans 8:31 ESV)
Stand strong and know there’s someone out here who believes in you and is praying for you right now.
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Aj is a blogger, bookworm, wife and mommy, and an author of children’s books, spiritual thrillers, and inspirational works. Aj’s blog, Shattered Perspectives, is dedicated to encouraging and helping women who have suffered and/or are struggling with abuse. In her spare time Aj can be found nursing cold Diet Cokes and searching for awesome bargains in nearby thrift stores. She resides in Florida with her husband, son, two dogs and the biggest diva of a Siamese cat ever, and can be reached by email at email@example.com. For media requests pertaining to Write Where It Hurts, please contact Aj at info@WriteWhereItHurts.org.
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2 thoughts on “When you need to believe you don’t deserve abuse”
Hi Aj. Count me in…two abusive relationships. One, that took place from 1970 to 1973, was so horrible that I would dissociate when my therapist tried to get me to talk about it. Then another one from 1988-1990. I’m so thankful God taught me that as a daughter of the King I deserved to be treated like a princess. You are right….even when it’s over, watching it unfold in someone else’s life brings it all back so fast…but God uses our pain to bring healing to others. I am about ready to start a group for women who go from one bad relationship to another. I’m excited about it and pray and wonder about who will be sitting on the couch and in the chairs in my office soon. Great post!
Thank you for your kind comment.
I couldn’t agree with you more when you said, “But God uses our pain to bring healing to others.” I love watching (and reading) how God has moved so much in your life.
How exciting about your next step in ministry! You have such a beautiful story and gentle heart for God. I have NO doubt your words will not only help, but inspire many women.
I love and appreciate you!
hugs and prayers always! <3