Ask the Counselor: When We Don’t Want to Hear God

Ask-the-Counselor-button{This is where each week readers connect with licensed professional counselor Rita Schulte to walk through some of the hard places. And Rita offers hands-on practical insight to the tough topics facing Christian women today.

If you have a question you would like answered, please email us at Meanwhile let’s join Rita as she shares about various counseling topics, personal growth and development, faith, and just about anything that pertains to the heart.}



I’ve had a lot of hurts in my life. A lot. It’s hard for me to understand why God would allow such stuff to happen, and I’ll be honest, it trips me up sometimes.

I get mad and bitter and resentful if I think about it too long.

I want to be free from these feelings. How can I, though, when the pain is still so very real? I believe it blocks me from hearing God–how can I trust what I believe is Him, especially when it isn’t necessarily what I want to hear?


the letter A for answer small size

Dear Friend,

There are plenty of times in life that we don’t particularly like the storyline God has written for us. But if we don’t move toward acceptance, we’ll continue fighting the wrong battle . Accepting the things God allows in our lives doesn’t happen overnight; it requires us to take inventory of our hearts and do the difficult work of processing our hurts and losses. You will also need to consider if you’re angry at God because that will have to be addressed.

The biggest thing we have to do is decide about whether or not we can trust the heart of God. If we can’t, it will hinder our movement toward healing and living the full life he wants us to live. I suggest you spend some time evaluating your relationship with God. Is he good, even if the story doesn’t have a happy ending? Can we trust him when the bottom drops out in our lives? Does he have our best interests at heart?

I can’t imagine that you could or would surrender to a God who you don’t believe has your best interests at heart. Use the Spiritual Disciplines as a means to connect to and learn about the rich heart of God. Sometimes it takes silence, solitude, prayer and meditation. And that takes practice sitting still long enough to truly allow God to speak into those broken places.

For now, I would recommend that you read Richard Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline. Hearing God requires spending time and learning to attune to his voice.  And I also write a lot about this in my upcoming book, Shattered: Moving Beyond Broken Dreams {releases in September}.

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